Dear Mainstream Media,
I don’t know how to say this without hurting you, so I will just be straightforward. I AM LEAVING YOU. I can no longer stay in this relationship if you constantly lie to me. I know that it’s occasionally better to tell loved ones little white lies to spare feelings instead of the truth and destroying them; however, these white lies have turned into full narratives to keep my attention on anything and everything but the truth. You have abandoned your journalistic integrity in practically every regard. Please, don’t cry, we have grown apart. While you were busy producing reality shows and polluting the airwaves with idle and useless talking points handed down to your studios from executives in elaborate offices, I have grown weary and apathetic to the pseudo-earth shattering events going on in Trump’s boardroom or the Kardashian’s living room and no longer value the opinions of your so-called experts that have an opinion on every topic under the sun but have never gone out and actually done anything that was worthwhile in the name of service towards the public. While I was interested in the real news happening in the world, such as the passage of the 2012 NDAA, you thought it more important to concentrate on who won 8 votes in Iowa, leaving out the fact that many more votes had just gone missing. You downplayed Constitution-busting legislation and failed to mention that almost a 1000 dead individuals managed to cast ballots in the South Carolina Primary. Finally, you have seen fit to prop up two inferior individuals as viable candidates for the office of President of the United States when there are four men on the stage. For all these reasons and many more that are not mentioned I have decided to move on with my life, a life without you.
I hope that we can still be friends,
P.S. I’m keeping the house, kids, and the pets.
P.P.S I’ve been having an affair with your cousin (the internet)…just thought you should know.
J. González Solorio